Seeing light in darkness

Working in a church, sometimes it’s hard to see light in the midst of darkness as we witness great losses, hear the heart-wrenching cries of those left behind.

I remember grappling with my own despair over the loss of my husband during a silent reflection period at a retreat I was attending. I kept repeating, “Why, Lord, why?” As I closed my eyes praying intently for an answer, in my mind’s eye I could see my husband, Terry, off in the distance standing 50 feet away surrounded by pure white. I quickly opened my eyes and shook off what I thought was a dream.

I closed my eyes again and there he was, 20 feet closer in his favorite red sweater, RM Williams boots and beige jeans from Australia. Every time I closed my eyes he was closer until he was right in front of me, love in his eyes, health and radiance abounding.

I could feel his arms around me. Then, very gently he reached behind and opened a door and there stood my dad, who passed away when I was 14; my favorite aunt, Alice, who died when I was 8; grandparents; and other relatives all smiling warmly. As the door opened further a great light blurred my vision until the sight was overtaken by its intensity.

I walked out of the retreat, got down on my knees and wept behind one of the buildings. Was I losing my mind? My spiritual director said I witnessed the communion of saints – the Lord let me see what it will be like when we die.

Peter Kreft and Ronald Tacelli explain: “The existential consequences of the resurrection are incomparable. It is the concrete, factual, empirical proof that life has hope and meaning; ‘love is stronger than death;’ goodness and power are ultimately allies, not enemies; life wins in the end; God has touched us right here where we are and has defeated our last enemy; we are not cosmic orphans, as our modern secular world view would make us.

“These existential consequences of the resurrection can be seen by comparing the disciples before and after. Before, they ran away, denied their Master and huddled behind locked doors in fear and confusion. After, they were transformed from scared rabbits into confident saints, world-changing missionaries, courageous martyrs, and joy-filled touring ambassadors for Christ.”

I now realize I don’t need all the answers to life’s pain and sorrows – what is important is our belief in the resurrection of Christ and the strength, joy and transformation that comes in following him.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me.” (John 14:1, NRSV)