Ham is better than turkey

I am Major Turkeyton. I served in the war six years ago against General Mallard and his ducks. Are you really going to eat a veteran for your Thanksgiving dinner? What a disgrace. To behead someone, to hand over utter humiliation by plucking a United States veteran: dishonorable.

Also, if you insist on eating me for dinner, I find it only fair to inform you that I have not bathed in 20 years. A simple wash in the sink won’t cover up two decades of grime.

Did you know that turkeys are going extinct? All these years of eating us for dinner and Thanksgiving smacked us next to extinction. Already we are extremely vulnerable and soon to be extinct in the wild.

Also, in pilgrim times, they ate a wild turkey only because they had no pork on hand. Let’s face it, ham tastes a heck of a lot better than turkey, even if you stuff us.

Some people might say that turkey is better than ham, but last year on Thanksgiving, turkeys surveyed the US about which was better, and all in all, ham, not turkey, was voted more delicious.

Oliva Louden

Fifth grade student,

La Paloma Elementary School