Parents can help teenagers deal with peer pressure

Parents like to think they’re the most important influence in their children’s lives, and that’s probably true up to a certain age but then the outside world, in the form of school and friends, intrudes. By the time a child is a teenager, it’s almost a certainty that the opinions and actions of other teens are playing a large role in decisions about everything from clothing choices to hairstyles to academic efforts.

Peer pressure is natural and, in many cases, can be a positive thing. But it can also be a negative, especially for a teen lacking in self-confidence and self-esteem who is anxious to be accepted by others.

Parents can’t control the pressures their teen is going to be experiencing, but they can play a big role in helping their teen overcome negative peer pressure.

The starting point is to try and build confidence and self-esteem for the teen. A child who is self-confident and has high self-esteem is much more able to say “no” to harmful behaviors.

Help build that self-esteem by looking for positive accomplishments and praising work that is being well done. At the same time, try to limit criticism when a teen’s efforts fall short.

Next, take a genuine interest in the teen’s life. Ask questions about what they are doing and feeling. Parents can learn to respect their teen’s thinking even when it’s counter to their own. Try to be respectful of the teen’s decisions in friends, music and appearance. Getting a teen to really talk to their parents can often be difficult, but showing a real interest in a teen’s life can produce results.

It doesn’t mean that everything and everyone the teen values gets their parents’ approval. Parents are still parents and need to sometimes set rules and boundaries. While “forbidding” certain friends seldom works, if a parent builds a respectful relationship with their teen they should be able to express their concerns and work together to set reasonable limits.

Strengthening the family relationships also helps. Insist on homework and chores being done. Set curfews and stick to them. Spend time with the teen, have family dinners together and find quiet times when teens and their parents really can talk to each other.

Not all peer pressure is negative but as a parent, part of the job is to help teens learn how to evaluate friendships.

Counseling Corner is provided by the American Counseling Association. Send comments and questions to [email protected] or visit the ACA website at http://www.counseling.org.