Are you ready to help a friend?

Humans beings are naturally social creatures, some people more so than others. Most people enjoy their interactions with others, sharing thoughts and happenings and learning from friends.

While many of the relationships people have are fairly casual, other “close” associations matter because they are with people they truly care about. These other associations might be work associates, neighbors, relatives or a spouse or relationship partner. They’re valuable relationships, but they are also relationships that can pose problems when something goes wrong.

Regardless of how much people think of, or care about, someone close to them, there may be times when they find something troubling or disturbing about that person. At such times people may agonize over whether they should share their opinion or observations, realizing that doing so might jeopardize the relationship. It can be a difficult decision to make even when the person in question is a spouse or other close relative.

While everyone wants to avoid losing a close friend, people also want to be responsible and to offer the help they think is needed. There’s no foolproof way to pass on concerns but there are ways to approach delicate subjects that minimize the risk of losing a friend. One way is to use what’s sometimes called a “caring confrontation” or a “one-two” approach.

This approach begins by having the conversation in a private place and just between the two people. Part one is simply describing in an objective, non-judgmental way what was observed. They might use positive statements like, “You don’t seem as happy lately. Am I right?” rather than saying, “You sure are depressed these days.”

Part two of this approach is to question whether the friend feels their observation is accurate: “Is what I stated representative of things not going well?” If their friend agrees that there’s something wrong, the next step is to offer an invitation to discuss it.

The idea is not to position themselves as an authority trying to “fix” the issue. Sometimes simply giving someone an opportunity to discuss what’s wrong can be helpful. If a professional could help, make that observation in a positive way.

The point is not to be confrontational, but rather to give the friend the support and encouragement needed to find help and return to a more happy, positive life.

Counseling Corner is provided by the American Counseling Association. Comments and questions to [email protected] or visit http://www.counseling.org.