How do you know when to visit a psycho-therapist?

Ginger Bahardar

Special to the Village News

If someone feels physically sick, they know to make an appointment with a medical doctor. When they feel sore and stiff, they may go to see a massage therapist. After surgery or if someone has a broken bone, they go to a physical therapist who helps get their body moving again. People know these things, and they don’t feel ashamed about doing them.

Unfortunately, making an appointment with a psycho-therapist can hold a negative stigma. Why is it considered a weakness to ask for help when life is chaotic and unmanageable? Sometimes a psychotherapist is called a “shrink,” as if they are going to shrink someone’s head without their consent.

Sometimes people think that having life problems is a sign of weakness and they should just “get over it.” These stigmas hold people back from reaching out for help. When help is available to turn their lives around. Their health and well-being is a natural right, and sometimes people need extra support to find their way back to a sense of well-being.

A psycho-therapist is trained to help heal fractured relationships. People have many relationships in life. They have relationships with family, friends, themselves, neighbors, employers and more. Along with human relationships, people also have relationships with the world around them. For example, they have relationships with the economic system, material goods, the natural environment, the internet and more. The question to ask is, “What is the quality of my relationships? Am I feeling pleasant feelings or am I experiencing too many unpleasant emotions?”

For example, do they wake up in the morning, having tossed and turned most of the night unable to sleep? Or their heart is already pounding, and they literally hate the fact that they have to get into the car and drive on a traffic clogged highway to get to a job that is boring, yet super stressful?

Or, perhaps they feel that they are communicating with their significant other anymore. They sit staring at their phone, while their partner is engrossed by a video game, and any number of additional miserable scenarios.

These are examples of life that are not fulfilling. These people do not feel like they are flourishing. These are examples of when making an appointment to see a therapist is the right call. A therapist can help them get their groove back. Psycho-therapy is a type of personal self-care that can improve life and thereby improve the lives of those around them.

I wrote a short whimsical poem that kind of sums up one answer to the question:

“When should I see a psychotherapist?

* when you are feeling blue

* when your heart breaks in two

* when you can’t seem to “do” it any more

* when the world seems to not be your friend

* when you feel yourself rushing, rushing, rushing with no end

* when you need a compassionate ear, to listen to all that you fear

* when you feel alone and not understood

* life just doesn’t feel that good anymore.”

These are some of the times when a therapist can help.

Ginger Bahardar, licensed marriage and family therapist, is a Somatic Experiencing practitioner in Bonsall.