Overcome feelings of shyness

Each person, at times, feels anxious about a situation they’re currently in or about to enter. If such feelings are the norm, however, a person may feel they’re “shy” and may find they’re labeled as such by others.

Being shy seems cute when it’s a small child hiding behind a parent’s leg but as people get older, being shy can leave them feeling needlessly anxious and often keeps them from opportunities and relationships from which they might benefit. Extreme cases of feeling shy can sometimes meet the criteria for social anxiety disorder or social phobia.

Fortunately, there are a number of steps a person can take to try to overcome shyness and social anxiety. The simplest is to act with more confidence and to try new things. Shy people often suffer from poor self-esteem and low self-confidence. Taking positive action can help minimize those problems.

An important step is to try new things even if doing so may make someone feel anxious. Often a shy person imagines how poorly doing something like going to a party or engaging in a new social activity will turn out and avoids it. But when someone ignores that anxiety and takes that step toward doing something new, it often turns out better than expected.

One way to head in that positive direction is to increase their interaction with others. Start up a conversation in a checkout line or talk to a stranger at the coffee shop or gym or in a store. Having small, positive social contacts helps build confidence and open up new horizons.

They can also demonstrate growing confidence just in the way they walk and talk. Try making eye contact in conversations, holding the head high and speaking clearly and effectively. Don't be afraid to make physical contact such as shaking hands or giving hugs.

The key to overcoming social anxiety and shyness is to take some chances in order to recognize and overcome your fears. Try going to a movie with an acquaintance rather than just a close friend. Be a bit vulnerable by offering opinions, asking questions and carrying on meaningful conversations. As someone does things that normally they’d be afraid to try, they’ll find their self-confidence increasing.

Overcoming shyness takes effort and can seem frightening. If someone needs help in moving forward, consider talking to a professional counselor who can assist them in building a more confident self.

“Counseling Corner is provided by the American Counseling Association. Send comments and questions to [email protected] or visit http://www.counseling.org.