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Learning to deal with that empty nest

Is that young adult at home packing their suitcases and heading off for their first year of college? Or maybe there’s that bedroom someone walks by sadly every day remembering how lovely the wedding was, but how empty that room is now.

From college, to marriages or to a new out-of-town job, there are all kinds of reasons for why a child is no longer sharing that home with their mother and father. Whatever the cause, the emotions that parents experience when their children depart are often ones of sadness, loneliness and depression.

The common term for this occurrence is “empty nest” syndrome. It’s based on a bird maturing and leaving the nest. While everyone wants their children to grow up and live independent lives – no, having junior still living in the basement when he’s 37 is usually not anyone’s goal – it still can be difficult when the children are gone and the house suddenly seems much more empty.

While empty nest syndrome is not a clinical disorder or diagnosis, it is a transitional period in life that highlights loneliness and loss. Realizing that their child is now independent enough to be out there facing the world on their own can be bittersweet and emotionally challenging. Parents feel proud that they have helped them grow and mature to be able to stand on their own two feet, but parents also feel sad to see them go and to realize that most of their hands-on parenting days are over.

There are ways, however, to reduce the sadness and stress that might come with a child’s moving out. In today’s age of instant communication, simply staying in touch is easy and can ease the sense of being left behind. The goal, of course, is not to become a “helicopter parent,” constantly hovering and trying to be involved in the child’s every decision even though they may now be thousands of miles away.

Instead, try simply staying in touch, maybe with a weekly text or email or phone call. It can also help to talk with friends who have also had children leave the home.

For some people, empty nest syndrome can be a real problem, leading to severe depression. In such cases, professional help can be valuable. Consider talking with a professional counselor who will be able to help manage these difficult emotions.

Counseling Corner is provided by the American Counseling Association. Send comments and questions to [email protected] or visit http://www.counseling.org.

 

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