Grandparents raising grandkids are 'heroes' says director of support program

What do you do when for one reason or another, your adult child can't function as a parent? More and more, that's why you see grandparents taking responsibility for their young grandchildren.

It's not an easy task. Ask Fallbrook residents Aquilino and Angelica Orozco. He is retired but is the person who cares for his grandchildren – a girl 9 and a boy 5 – during the daytime. He feeds them, takes them to school or other activities, and watches over them while his wife cleans houses in the mornings before working as a school custodian in Menifee, five afternoons a week, six hours a day.

She's found practical help, support and friends in a program called Grandparents Raising Grandchildren. It's been a lifesaver for the Orozco "grand-family."

"I'm so blessed to have the help," Angelica said. "They'll find a way to solve problems that make me feel helpless or useless. It's very frustrating. At first, I thought I may be wasting my time, but they give you the power to help each other."

"There are so many problems," the grandmother explained. "One is that I can't fill out papers because I can't read or write English. They give so much support and love."

That help is through individual counseling with case manager Graciela Moreno, who also oversees the group sessions that are offered in English and Spanish.

"These grandparents come from all walks of life," said Elizabeth Nua, program supervisor. "Some are retired, and others are still working. Some have nice, big homes in a great area, and others are in a near-poverty situation. But they step up and want to provide a family for their grandchildren."

"Some saved for retirement but find the responsibility of raising a family again requires so much time, energy and money they didn't expect," she added. "They are losing their 'nest egg' and in many cases losing their children."

The reasons for assuming responsibility for their grandchildren can be tragic. Their child may be deceased, incarcerated, homeless, missing or bound by addiction.

"Many grandparents are grieving their own kids, whatever it was that took them from their children," Moreno said.

The referrals of grandparents who may need support come from school counselors, churches and individuals in the community.

"I enjoy the process of following up with a referral," Moreno said. "They listen and learn about our resources. Every day is different. Some have their own health issues. Some are overwhelmed with their life, but they love their grandchildren and are doing it for them. Most don't feel the support from their own family, and they feel they have lost their friends who don't understand or just don't share the same lifestyle now. The Fallbrook program is modeled after a county Department of Health and Human Services program that covers most of the county, but doesn't reach into the Fallbrook area," Nua said.

The local version is offered through Palomar Family Counseling Services in Fallbrook.

The San Diego program began in 2012 and, according to its website, there are more than 24,000 grandparents in San Diego County who are raising a young child. And that population is expanding.

Nua explained that the Fallbrook program consults with the San Diego program.

"They just can't come this far, but there is a lot of need here," she said. "The program grew out of a need in Fallbrook, Bonsall, Rainbow and De Luz," Nua said.

"We attend their quarterly meetings, and they support our efforts," she added.

Fallbrook started with a pilot program on July 1, 2020. The Fallbrook program helped 18 "grand- family" units in its first year. Nua said the number is less than they hoped because of COVID 19.

"Grandparents seem to have more struggles with online services," she noted.

She said they are hoping for more participation this year with most pandemic restrictions lifted. Moreno said the pilot program was started at the library with 9-10 grandparents attending. "It was incredible," she said. "They really opened up and shared about their struggles and needs."

She said there is a wide range of grandparents, from professions like a college professor and a life coach, to others with greater economic needs.

Moreno said the first thing she does is to see if their basic needs are being met, including financial, before making recommendations or referrals.

The initial funding for the program was provided by a federal grant through the Fallbrook Regional Health District. That grant has been approved for 2021-2022 but it's only a portion of what is needed, said Nua.

Palomar asked the health district for $26,271 but it received only $15,185 in the district budget approved on June 9.

"We're asking the community for additional help," Nua said. "This program was initiated by our meetings with the Community Collaborative for Health and Wellness. We can do so much more with additional funding from the community."

One service Nua said the program would like to provide is allowing the grandkids free services at the Boys and Girls Club. Nua said there is some funds available for the summer, but she would like to see it extended to the regular school year for after-school care when needed.

"Grandparents taking care of grandchildren are heroes," Nua said. "It's a great responsibility, and some are exhausted and need something like the Boys and Girls Club – a respite from all they do with meals and transportation and everything a parent does."

"We let them know that we care and that we can help," Nua said. "Our goal is to reduce the stress in 'grand-families.'"

The support groups let them know there are others with something in common.

The case management handles a variety of situations. Some grandparents want to adopt their grandchildren. Some choose grandparenting over letting their grandchildren go into the Foster Care system. Informal fostering is another option.

Another need may be financial considerations, like qualifying for Social Security, foster care funds, tax credits or welfare.

"We want them to know we can help," Nua said. "They have one person, one number to call for anything."

Angela Orozco gives the program a wonderful grade.

"I have a friend over there in Graciela, plus other grandparents who have the same problems," she said. "It's a blessing. I'm not alone and I love them. If I didn't have the group to talk to, I don't know what would happen. They know what to do and they don't judge me."

The grandmother said that when her son was 18, he was engaged and had two kids.

"He wasn't mature enough, but I've been there since they were born and love my grandkids," she said. "When the son and his fiancé were fighting over custody, the social worker gave them to me. The problem is my son's drug addiction resulted in him not taking care of his children."

Moreno said Angelica and her husband have legal guardianship now.

"I want to adopt the children now," Angelica said. "They showed me how to get a restraining order to keep my son away. It's all confidential, just a place to share problems. It's a perfect program for me. It's guided me to go to places for help. It's wonderful."

Moreno also has high praise for Angelica. "She loves her grandkids, and she inspires and motivates others," Moreno said.