Cancer takes an emotional toll

Dr. Sandra Finestone

Special to the Village News

Hearing the words "you have cancer" changes your world in a matter of seconds, and you can never completely go back to the safety of wellness again.

A cancer diagnosis can cause both physical and emotional change. It can change how you feel about your body, about your relationships and about what is important to you. You may find due to fatigue you are not able to do the everyday things you have been able to do in the past.

There is no "right" way to feel. Your emotions are a product of your situation, your personality and your personal coping style. People who take on life as a challenge tend to welcome new situations as opportunities to learn, to grow, to develop on a personal level and to bounce back. Others look at everything with pessimism and see anything that is unfamiliar as a threat. Things that seemed important no longer do and other things now take on a bigger importance.

Cancer survivors must first learn to live "with" cancer, then they must learn to live "through" cancer and they must learn to live "after" cancer. This stage is, for some, the most difficult thing to do. They often feel isolated, lonely and fearful of the future.

This emotion is something family, friends and colleagues do not understand. When your treatment is completed and you are beginning to "look" like your old self, they think it is over. They think you have dealt with cancer and may even congratulate you on how well you did, and they all go back to the lives they had before. But you do not. You may get physically stronger. You may get emotionally stronger. But you will forever have one foot in the world of wellness and one foot in the world of cancer because you know it might come back.

Words are very powerful things, and some people like to be considered a cancer survivor but others prefer to say that they survived cancer. Some get strength from believing they conquered cancer; others feel that cancer conquered them.

Many people do not participate in cancer support groups because they do not want to listen to others' sad cancer stories. Some think that joining a cancer support group is a sign of weakness, that they should be able to handle this on their own. If someone prefers to deal with their emotional turmoil after a cancer diagnosis personally, they often find it difficult to find a therapist that deals specifically with the cancer experience.

So what can you do to calm your emotional instability? For some, envisioning a future that they want to work toward builds a bridge between a difficult present and a desired future. The way they cross that bridge is to set goals, plan for some potential obstacles and create new goals when a goal is blocked. Research suggests that these actions, setting goals that matter, thinking about ways to reach them and devoting effort to pursuing those goals, may promote better quality of life during and after cancer.

Think about the areas of your life that matter most to you. Is it work? Relationships, community, spirituality? Think about the values you hold. What do you want to be present in your life right now? Once you have a sense of your priorities, you can start working toward making sure they are part of your life in the present. Share your goals with others. Let the people in your life know what you want to do and what you're worried will get in the way. Bridges can be built faster if you have a team to help you.

Dr. Sandra Finestone is the past president and treasurer of the Susan G. Komen Inland Empire Affiliate.