It’s Valentine’s Day! Again, this year, I am amongst the lucky ones. I have a sweetheart.
That was not always the case. No one knows better than I because for more than 25 years I dated lots and lots and lots of guys until finally at 59 I decided it was time to remarry. That’s when on that fine day I looked squarely in the mirror and had a one-on-one conversation with myself.
With my experience in sales, I knew if I wanted a different result, I had to change what I was doing. While Homo sapiens have been evolving for over 300,000 years, there turns out to be two subspecies as different as a kangaroo and an eagle. And that is when I separated Home sapiens into two categories: Guys vs Men.
Confused? Let me explain. Here are some traits of a guy. He is like a barnyard rooster. He can’t stand to be ignored, so like the rooster his head keeps poking up above the crowd. He is flirty which is secured by his good looks. He is confident. A fun-loving guy, up for anything. Always charming. The first to send a girl over a drink.
Most have good paying jobs, which in days of old included an expense account. They live fast, party hard, rent limos, and do “Vegas, Baby.” The scariest of all are the ones who gamble. As a breed, guys are often athletic, because they are vain, and tend to dress well, but as a general rule are renters.
They lease their cars. Have credit card debt. They are late with their child support or don’t pay it at all. Some even date multiple women at the same time or are married and they cheat. They cannot be counted on to watch your back.
They say women look for their fathers. The reason we do is they are men. They own their home. Often without a mortgage. Their less than new-off-the-showroom ride might even have roll-up windows yet the pink slip resides in their bank box. They are debt free. They do not go out drinking, or date multiple women at the same time, or slink around with married women.
The first thing I notice about a man are his teeth, hands, and shoes. The man I was looking for must also have as much money as I have. (Although actually, I figured, he should have more since as a man, he usually earned more than me.)
He must be educated or set in a trade. He should have funds set aside for his retirement and savings for emergencies. But mostly, his house is clean. The sink is empty of dirty dishes. His clothes are pressed. Shoes polished. He is tidy. He makes his bed. He is steady. Loyal. Brave. He honors himself and his country.
He has tools. And he knows how each one works. He can fix stuff. And like the Boy Scout he is, he’ll pitch in and always does the right thing. He’ll be first to assist the neighbors. But mostly, he’ll have your back. In all things. Even if he doesn’t agree with you. You know you are safe with him.
A: he’s Adorable. B: he is Brave. C: he is Caring. D: he is Devoted. E: he is my Everything. F: he is Funny. G: he is a Gentleman. H: he is Handsome. I: he is Intelligent. J: he is Just. K: he is Kind. L: he makes me Laugh. M: he loved his Mother. N: he is Naughty and Nice. O: he is Obstreperous. P: he is Polite. Q: he is Quiet. R: he is a Responsible Republican. S: he is Sweet, Stubborn, and Sexy. T: he is True. U: he plays the Ukulele. V: he is Virtuous. W: he is Wise. X: he is Xenodochial. Y: he is Young at heart and lastly Z: he is Zappy.
Knowing full well that males come in as many flavors as ice cream, my Valentine is a sundae topped with whipped cream and a cherry. Happy Valentine’s Day VJ.
Elizabeth can be reached at [email protected].