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Understanding your man

Among the many differences between young girls and young boys is what they daydream about becoming when they grow up. By-and-large young girls dream of becoming a princess when they grow up. The Disney song "Someday My Prince Will Come" runs through their minds as they hope that they will someday live happily ever after with him. Young boys have quite different dreams. Most dream of someday becoming an action hero who rescues the princess.

It is just one of the many differences between males and females. I don't have the space to cover all of the differences, but let me at least try to list some of the differences I've discovered that might help you better understand your Prince Charming.

He wants your respect.

The Bible gives lots of marriage advice, and in Ephesians 5:33, it said to married couples, "Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

Granted, respect needs to be earned, but when it is, it should be acknowledged. It's interesting that through the years you may send your husband all kinds of birthday and anniversary cards. He may not keep the mushy ones, but he'll treasure forever the one that tells him how much you respect him for what he does for the family.

He wants to be your protector.

As the Titanic was sinking, the men agreed: women and children first to the lifeboats. Although he may not tell you he loves you as much as you would like, most husbands are fully prepared to die defending their wife and children. Jim Hutches told of his experiences during the Vietnam War. He said that the Vietcong would wound, but not kill, an American soldier, knowing his buddies would seek to rescue him. Vietcong snipers then would seek to kill those who came out to try to drag the wounded soldier back to safety. He would often hear the heart cry of a GI: "I have to go. I have to help Joe. I can't leave him there. I've got to go. He's my friend."

He wants to be needed.

One of the first questions men ask when meeting someone new is: What do you do? His job is so important to him for many reasons, one of which is to be needed. Men thrive on being needed and being able to help someone in need.

He may be slow to pick up hints or subtle suggestions.

When we were first married, my wife Carolyn would give subtle suggestions about doing something or going somewhere. She soon learned that I, like most men, aren't very perceptive at picking up hints, and that it's best to lay it out in a way I couldn't miss it.

He likely wrestles with three primary temptations.

The Bible identifies them as the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh, and the pride of life. I like to refer to them as the temptations of gold, glory, and girls or of greed, pride, and lust. I went into these topics in detail in a previous article so let me just say that to better understand your man, you should be aware that regardless of his age, your husband lives in a world filled with temptations that he must battle daily.

He wants your encouragement.

Every man needs a cheerleader. I'm so thankful that my wife Carolyn embraces my dreams and gives me regular encouragement to pursue them. Talk to your man about his dreams and stand with him in their pursuit.

Rick Koole is the senior pastor of LifePointe Church in Fallbrook. For more information, visit


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