Does something have to be 'perfect' to be enjoyed?

We’re all wired with a fight-flight-or-freeze response that meant the difference between life and death for our prehistoric ancestors.

I watched a nature program about hippos and was surprised to learn that even today they cause more human deaths in Africa than any other animal.

If your flight response isn’t working when you get in the way of an angry hippo, it’s pretty safe to say you’ll never use any response again.

For most of us, however, these ancient instincts can be a burden.

It evolves into all-or-nothing thinking, in which we mentally frame events and people as either all good or all bad and allow no middle ground.

Extremist thinking can lead to perfectionism, depression, anxiety, frustration and anger.

If anything that’s less than perfect is a complete failure, it’s pretty hard to enjoy yourself.

This sort of thinking is especially damaging in relationships or when you are learning a new skill.

It minimizes positive things and maximizes the negative: “If I can’t get this right the first time, I’ll never get it right.” “If someone lets me down in one way, it means the entire relationship is a bust.”

Black-and-white thinkers look at “good enough” and see failure.

One of my kids tried out for tennis and didn’t pass muster. He had played tennis in P.E., enjoyed it and wanted to try out for the high school team.

Unfortunately, the other boys had been playing for a long time, and my son came home looking sad and defeated.

He felt humiliated and sorry for himself. He just wanted to go to bed and get the whole day over with.

Not being the sentimental, will-a-cookie-make-it-all-better? type, I told him that he would have to go to his weekly fencing lesson that evening whether he felt like it or not.

He moaned and groaned but went anyway.

He’s good at fencing and he likes the guys in the class.

By the end of the lesson, he had a smile back on his face. His earlier feelings of failure were replaced with good humor and a sense of accomplishment.

Can you stink at tennis and still be a success in another sport? He found out he could.

When you catch yourself thinking in black-or-white terms, try to stop yourself and reframe the thoughts.

Stay away from words like “never,” “always,” “worst,” “perfect” and “impossible.”

You probably have your own hot-button words you use when something is less than ideal. Identify them and replace them with more realistic words.

When you find yourself thinking in all-or-nothing terms, give yourself some slack. Give the other person slack.

Allowing imperfection means relieving yourself of a burden you aren’t meant to carry anyway.

Sarah Ban Breathnach wrote, “A point worth pondering: upon completing the universe, the Great Creator pronounced it ‘very good.’ Not ‘perfect.’”